Our Bodies are the Guilty Ones
by SlashAddx
Summary: Stefan and Damon want to be together, they just don't know how to make that work. Contains slash and all sorts of Stefan/Damon interactions from prompt fills to orphaned story chapters.
1. Cold Cold World

Promt fill for **streusel:** Stefan/Damon - _It's a cold cold world we swam into_

* * *

They didn't know it'd be like this.

To be fair, it wasn't like either of them spent a lot of time _discussing_ the pros and cons of becoming a vampire with Katherine. They absolutely did not mention it to each other. Then their sire was ripped away from them before they took their first bite.

The few tricks Damon gleaned from her inevitably turned into foreplay, so he wasn't sure what would really be helpful in the long run without Katherine. He never planned to be living this life with his brother.

Stefan only had a vague awareness of the whole thing from the beginning. Most knowledge of Katherine's dark side came after he turned, memories that flooded in when the compulsion wore off. What was left was terrifying and in no way something he wanted to _become_. At least not intentionally.

They only figured out the rest of her clan could have been of some use after every single one of them were locked in a church set aflame.

The decades dragged in bitterness and resentment. Alone.

Stefan was overtaken by the bloodlust first. Some would argue it was inevitable-he had no idea what being alone with this curse would feel like. His compassion for people only fueled his guilt. Which fueled his hunger, which caused some bad habits.

Damon pining for his lost love, taking her betrayal towards him out on his brother assuaged his bloodlust for a time.

Daylight was sucked away in plotting the freedom of Katherine. Loneliness clouded Damon's nights.

Stefan's best hope was to simply exist, not allowing any attachment to tempt him to ruin.

It took them a century and half and the almost absolute destruction -again- of Mystic Falls before the found common ground. A common goal at least, in protecting the girl who reminded them both of what it was like to feel something.

The warmth of her body, of which Stefan experienced to some satisfaction, and of which Damon later got secondhand in equal measure, chipped away at the frost that surrounded them.

But it wasn't Elena's job to bring them back together. She just was a glimmer of their past that leveled their eyes on each other.

When given the option, Damon reached towards Stefan first.

The dawn will break eventually.

It has to.

Right?


	2. You Only Love In Red

Prompt fill in 2013 for **softly_me** : Stefan/Damon, _and i love you unprotected, but you only love in red_

* * *

In the night Damon came to him first.

Startled, Stefan's eyes burned red, the skin around them, pitch black. The veins expanded to make his vision sharper, colors more vivid. Every nerve ending that came alive for a hunt was soothed by the trail of lips over his jaw, wet tongue dragging down his neck. How could Damon not flinch at the site of the monster?

"It's a turn on you know." Damon spoke softly between kisses, left hand threaded through Stefan's hair, right arm slung around his waist.

Everything was color and light and just a little bit scorching so Stefan could barely hear what the man was saying. He closed his eyes and wished the monster down. "What? What is?" He finally managed to groan out.

"When your eyes do that. You don't have to hide it from me, or give me time to get used to it." Damon ground his hips forward, letting his little brother feel just how right he was. "Don't try to hide it. Control it, use it to focus on what you want."

Stefan laughed, but it came out strangled and a bit delirious. "Why is it a turn on exactly?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but maybe if the answer was good, he wouldn't have to be so scared.

Damon tilted back, his own eyes shifted. When he was actually angry, his eyes didn't even change anymore. It was fueled by something else. He found a rhythm, rubbing his groin against Stefan's, teasing them both. "It's still you. It's hot because I know it's just for me. Just like mine do it for you. It's evidence of your desire, Stefan."

The angry red in the sea of black suddenly made Stefan think of erotic novels, the riot of passion and depth of darkness.

For him.

Damon was right. Of course.

It was sexy as hell on his brother, so maybe, it wasn't so bad to let Damon see it. He stopped holding back, let his focus shift and narrow onto the man in his arms. He didn't lean in to kiss him again. He wanted to maintain eye contact this time. Let Damon know he trusted him this way too. His lips itched to drag across the stubble on that chin, but perhaps this was even more intimate than that.

Damon's eyes widened briefly and he fumbled for a second with the buttons and zippers holding their pants together. And then they were pooled around their ankles. He maintained his brothers gaze as he slid his hands down Stefan's sides and held onto his bare hips. He offered a genuine smile, much more rare than it should be considering how it made his brother light up.

Perhaps another person, or even, every other person in the world who didn't understand what this was between them, would say a smiling monster with red black eyes would be menacing.

They weren't other people.


	3. Fall Hard

This was once part of a larger story, but this was the only part I liked.

Inspiration: Fall Hard by Shout Out Louds

* * *

 _And I know it's not forever_

 _No it's got to start_

 _Sitting outside with a member of a boys club_

 _I'm falling hard, harder than before_

.

.

.

If Stefan was honest with himself, the tension had been building for a while. It happened, when people were keeping secrets—when HE was keeping secrets. It had been a normal day. Unusual for them, but normal otherwise. It was Friday, class was out, and Stefan and Elena had gone to dinner before returning to the empty boarding house to hang out.

Maybe he'd been on autopilot too long, going with the flow instead of engaging. He couldn't help it. Their relationship was wearing thin. She was still beautiful, kind, and sexy, but he started noticing the glaring problem. When there was no violent opposition to them being together, Stefan found himself a bit… bored. Like tonight. Whatever they had started talking about changed to the constant presence of the deaths in the town, which turned into a rant against his brother to which he only half responded. That may have been the catalyst, but Stefan hadn't noticed what precisely set Elena off. He didn't even realize she was angry until she was screaming in his face. Suddenly Stefan was paying attention.

They squared off, standing several feet apart. Elena was furious and Stefan was… confused.

"Why would you stay? You can't fix him Stefan. He's always going to be a sociopathic monster!"

Stefan crossed his arms and stared hard at the shaking girl in front of him. Elena's anger surprised him. The sheer determination she had, the idea that she knew something about Damon that he didn't already know was laughable. Give it a few decades, or maybe a century, and then maybe she could understand. It's not like she would ever give up on her own brother. Why was he expected to abandon his?

Lost in reflection, Stefan almost missed the low cool voice behind him.

"She's right."

He turned his head slightly, eyes not leaving Elena's. "She really isn't." Startled, her eyes flicked between them, then narrowed on Stefan's. A chill ran down his spine and a fond smile quirked his lip. Oh right. Maybe she knew more than he gave her credit.

Closer now, but loud enough for them both to hear, "You can't fix me, brother."

Stefan turned at that. He needed to see them both, but his eyes went to Damon's. "There's nothing to fix." He shook his head slightly, insistent that his brother couldn't believe her. "You're not broken."

Elena scoffed. "You can't really—"

"Enough." Stefan's head whipped back to the girl, cutting her off. She was always angry or frightened. Either way Elena demanded the attention he no longer had to spare. He held one hand out, willing her to silence. "That's enough. Get out, Elena. Please leave me to talk to my brother."

"Stefan!"

"I'm sorry." Gentler now, as there was no need to get her all riled up if they weren't going to expel the excess adrenaline. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Damon's gaze shot to Elena. His whole demeanor gave off a pleased reserve. It was the same look he used to give Lexi when Stefan went with him instead of her.

Scowling hard, Elena stomped to the door and slammed it behind her. Stefan turned to Damon, closing the distance between them with a small amused smile. "Stop gloating, she can't even see you anymore."

Damon's smirk broadened. "Can't help it. It's nice to win sometimes."

"Oh? And what exactly do you think you've won?" His tone was unusual playful as his hands slid down Damon's sides. This new feeling he got around his brother, for whatever reason, was much more interesting.

"If I said 'you' it would be so ridiculously cheesy I'd have to stake myself. Let's say I won a fight against some girl and on a completely unrelated note, you and I are going to go screw around in the study." Damon stood still, letting Stefan control the touches.

Stefan leaned in, tightening his arms around Damon's waist. "See? Why would I want to change anything about you?"

Smiling, Damon leaned back pressing his hips forward. This new stage of their relationship was tentative. Relearning each other's nuances. He stood straighter and rolled his eyes. "What was she so upset about this time? I haven't killed anyone in weeks."

Ignoring the question, Stefan only noticed Damon pulling his body away. "You don't really think it's a competition do you?"

"You're more of a prize than you think, brother." He ran his hand over Stefan's neck, curling around the base of his head.

Damon drove him crazy with talk like that. Stefan could almost believe him as he leaned into his brother's grip. "How do you think you even compare? You have the most unfair advantage imaginable."

Curious, Damon's head tipped to the side. "So she doesn't stand a chance?"

"I just have to work her out of my system and figure out how to let her down gently. She deserves her own happiness." He tilted his head into Damon's hand against his neck. He knew his excuses were weak, this juggle of maintaining his brother's and his girlfriend's interest in him. He wasn't really sure what he was expecting to happen.

Damon rolled his eyes. "You've probably ruined her for that. But she's young, and human, she'll age, and change and find her own facsimile."

Stefan grimaced. The nagging idea of Damon stringing Stefan along so he could be there to pick up Elena's pieces when Stefan finally walked away was the strongest thing holding Stefan and Elena together. Not the basis of a good relationship, but Stefan knew he was selfish.

He leaned in and slanted his mouth against his brothers. Looking for Damon's intentions in each pass of their lips kept him from sinking into it. It was always good, but just shy of enough. Damon seemed to be meeting each press with equal measure until he leaned back first.

"OH, so this is why she's mad."

There was a tease in his voice that churned Stefan's stomach. Part curiosity, part annoyance, part something else. He nodded, not looking away from Damon's mouth. Stefan was always shit with keeping things to himself. His face gave every thought he'd ever had away. His brother, however, controlled everything about himself.

"Well, what are we going to do about that?"

The words looped around, and Stefan only shrugged. His arms were still tight around his brother's waist. He wasn't sure what he was going to do about any of it.

Damon scanned over Stefan's face carefully. Stefan could feel each incision, opening him up and exposing all his little secrets. It was terrifying, and exhilarating, and all the things that being alone with Elena wasn't.

After a moment of silence Damon leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Stefan's cheek before turning out of his grip. His expression darkened slightly, and he crossed his arms. The gesture was familiar, in a Once-We-Were-Only-Brother's-But-Now-It's-All-Fucked-Up sort of way. Stefan licked his lips and tried to emotionally brace himself. Damon didn't let those looks out unless he meant it.

"You think I don't know, don't you?" Still low and cool, making Stefan lean in closer, or at least, pay attention to each word. He knew what Damon meant, but damned if he was going to willingly admit it out loud.

"No." He tried the same level of low and cool. "I'm not sure what you mean."

It didn't work.

"Fuck you, Stefan. Keep your secrets if you must, but don't lie to me when you are god-awful at it." Damon narrowed his eyes and raised his chin.

It was infuriating when Damon literally looked down at him like that. And obviously Damon knew it pissed him off. He stared back in silence. If he couldn't lie properly, the least he could do was keep his goddamn mouth shut.

Damon's eyes widened briefly before he crossed over to the sofa and leaned against the back shaking his head. "You're just a fucking bastard. You realize that, don't you?"

He flinched as each word stung, but he didn't go anywhere. He deserved the chastisement after everything. He pressed his lips together and bit the insides to keep from responding. His arms sort of hung there, so he stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared hard at the floor, willing it to open up and swallow him.

"I'm not blind, brother." Damon continued. "You're with her because you think I want her." His voice raised and Stefan forced himself to look up. He knew he looked defeated. Damon wouldn't stop at that if he were going to be laying Stefan's problems bare. "You hook up with me because you think it will distract me, or because you think it will make her hate me."

Stefan frowned. "Maybe I am with you because I want to be…" The words fell off. He hadn't convinced himself, there was no way he'd convince his brother.

"You hate yourself." Damon said simply. Like acknowledging it made everything make more sense. "And you've latched on to the idea of making everyone else hate you as well."

His chest hurt. Every time someone fell for him, he instantly fell harder. He didn't deserve their love. His eyes found Damon's narrowed ones. Any of them. He took a step back and turned to leave the room. Damon's glare was suffocating. It was better when neither of them cared at all.

"You're tarnishing my prize, brother."

Stefan paused at the threshold between rooms. It was selfish to Want and it was selfish to Leave but maybe it wasn't so selfish to listen to what Damon had to say. He turned back slowly, but the man was already right in front of him. He stared at the buttons on his brother's shirt.

"You want to be fought for. To be convinced you are worth something in this on-going afterlife. I get it." Damon's tone was edged with anger. He slid one hand over Stefan's shoulder and gripped hard along the corded muscle between the shoulder and neck. "You're taking advantage of us, wasting her youth and wasting my patience."

It hurt, the fist on his shoulder and the knot in his gut. Stefan winced and nodded. "I thought that today. That being with her was only interesting because people hated it." His eyes cleared and he looked into Damon's. "And I thought being with you was only good because you said it was. She doesn't get you. Maybe I don't either. But I know you don't need to be fixed." He sighed, letting scent and heat and clarity fill the hole in his chest. His head tipped forward, bumping into Damon's chest and resting there. "I know because I'm the one that's broken."

Damon relaxed his hold and slid his arms around Stefan's body, pinning arms, and tipping them both off balance. "There's no resolution to this brother. Not today anyway." The hard edge in his voice was softer, not coddling, but not hurting either. Stefan was grateful. He turned his head, resting his cheek along Damon's shoulder.

"What then?" He whispered along the skin so close to his lips. It was easy in that time, to believe Damon had all the answers.

"Find the right switch and turn it off. Let me distract you for tonight. Then in the morning apologize to your girlfriend and carry on like always."

Stefan closed his eyes tightly and inhaled deeply. There was no hole, nothing broken inside, and nothing weighing him down. He leaned back with a small smile.

"Didn't you say something about screwing around in the study?"

Damon smiled softly and took Stefan's hand. "Yes, yes I did."

.

.

.

 _And if you fall hard, I fall harder (falling backwards)_

 _And if you've gotta break just let it break_

 _I'll pick up the pieces and mistakes_


	4. Drive Me Blind

Prompt fill for **opheliahyde** : Stefan/Damon - If I could tear you form the ceiling/I'd freeze us both in time/find brand new way of seeing/your eyes forever glued to mine

* * *

 _If I could tear you from the ceiling  
I know the best have tried  
I'd fill your every breath with meaning  
And find the place we both could hide._

.

Stefan blamed himself.

Quite frankly, Damon blamed him too. Between every cruel taunt and casual reminder, Damon made sure Stefan knew that.

It was Stefan's fault Damon was undead, and it was Stefan's eternal punishment that he was too.

There was a chance it could have gone a whole different way. With Katherine between them, they were almost a nice little family. When Elena tried to take her place a century and a half later, it failed the same way.

It's just him now. Mystic Falls devoured what happiness he tried to find in the afterlife, leaving him scarred from the fight. The story had was old the minute he said it out loud. Damon loved Elena, Elena clung to them both, Stefan continued to let her down.

That was his fault too. The lies he told himself just to make it through the day twisted and expanded, brought an entire town to its knees before he got the hell out. Stefan didn't know if his brother stayed for followed, and that was more terrifying than anything. If Damon didn't come look for him, Stefan would never go back.

.

 _You don't believe me  
But you do this every time  
Please don't drive me blind_

 _._

It took one day for his brother to appear. The sigh of relief exploded out of Stefan like a burst balloon.

"Where are you going?" Damon asked as he slid the glass door closed.

The hotel had things like that, balconies over the courtyard, sliding doors that opened outside for easy access. If anyone considered the third floor reachable from outside. Only one person did.

"Needed to get out. I thought I had control on things, but I was just making everything worse."

Unusually calm, Damon strode to the bed and stretched out beside where Stefan was buried under the blankets. "Should have told me. You know I'm the only one that gets to put you out of your misery."

"Maybe next time." Stefan shivered and tried not to stare at Damon's profile.

"You've given up." It wasn't a question. Damon didn't ask those kind of questions.

"She's all yours. You can have the town too." Stefan found himself relaxing with his brother lying next to him, when he knew he should be on guard. Who knows how Damon would take that kind of honesty.

"You didn't answer your phone."

Stefan's heavy lidded eyes opened. "Why were you worried?"

Damon snapped an annoyed look at him then turned his attention back to the ceiling.

"Once upon a time, you wanted me to turn so we could live this godforsaken life together."

Yeah, his big selfish plan to give Damon time to see what he saw. "You still don't see it, do you?" Stefan reached out, tentatively wrapping his hand around his brother's wrist. Damon went with the gentle guiding, turning on his side to face Stefan.

Frowning slightly, Damon whispered, "You don't get to leave me."

They were so close, his brother's breath puffed against his lips. It was almost warm. Shaking his head slightly, Stefan stared into the smokey blue eyes that refused to understand what was right in front of them.

"I wasn't running away from you."

.

 _If I could tear you from the ceiling  
I'd freeze us both in time  
And find a brand new way of seeing  
Your eyes forever glued to mine._

 _Don't go and leave me_  
 _Please don't drive me blind_


End file.
